You must be reading this thinking, what a stupid comment, why isn’t he scared to go in front a huge audience and act, embarrass himself and speak. Well, the truth is I’m not scared because I know what I’m doing, I know what I’m going to say, I’ve rehearsed everything beforehand so I know what’s required of me. Back when I was 14, 15 and 16 years old I used to go to Drama group and used to perform with them in front of crowds of 300 or more, I was Henry Miller in Calamity Jane and the Wizard in the Wizard Of Oz, that’s was fun, booming out my voice. I wasn’t scared one bit because I knew I had a role to play.
If Someone Said “Come To A Party”…
Now this is what I am scared of, as you know I have Aspergers or High Functioning Autism, for many people going to a party is a chance to let their hair down, relax and have fun, not in my book. Going to a party in my brain is like trying to understand a thesis about 1000 pages long, trying to talk with people, I mean what do you talk about, trying to create conversation and it’s not just the conversation, what do you do when you’re not talking?
How do you stand? What do you look at? Are people watching you? Are you staring at them too much? Do I look “normal”? Am I am doing the “right” thing? Question and question goes round my brain until you simply just want to leave. And it’s not just parties, it’s every single social situation. Until…
Running Changed Everything
Okay I still struggle with the complexities of socialising and social interaction, but running has significantly helped me. I feel so, so much more confident. You see running/exercise releases a “feel good” endorphin which has given me so much more confidence, so the difficult things become a whole lot easier. A year ago, actually yesterday, I organised an Easter Raffle, I was able to go into a pub, shop or restaurant and ask specifically for a voucher but the thought process become a lot easier.
“It’s All About BELIEF”
By running a half marathon every week, I’m able to tell myself if I can run 13.1 miles, I can have a simple conversation with Jo Bloggs, I can go into this shop, I can go to this party (still getting the same thoughts above, but feeling confident), I can do this, I can do that. It’s all about belief. If I can run, I can do anything and this is the message I want you to take, you can run a marathon, whatever age you are, it’s simply belief, it’s all in your head… #anythingispossible
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